Bia the Bitch

"A woman is like a teabag-you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
-Nancy Reagan
Mon Mar 30
I just absolutely love my apartment. After eating my mature dinner of Campbells vegetable soup with a double shot of Wiser’s “de luxe” and diet Dr.Pepper combination I thought I would continue my evening as an adult by washing the dishes that may or may not have been building up for the past week. The sink slowly fills up and I watch as the pretty bubbles turn into mountains covering all sight of the piping hot water underneath. I let some of the dishes soak, getting the caked on burnt shit off the bottom of the pots and then it is time to wash. Half way through my scrubbing I hear a peculiar popping sound. Instantly I look down to see the cupboard doors under the sink are blowing open on me spraying water all over the frigging place. HOT water that is. So I am phunging soaked and everything around me is soaked. I curse out loud hoping that the upstairs neighbours can hear me and will come running to save me. Pudding Face, my cat, stares at the water spraying and quickly also becomes wet. I love my apartment. I call my landlords to come fix the shitty plumbing and they said they will be right over. They abandon me and leave “Bia the plumber, and jill of all trades” to fix the situation. 5 Hours later it is still broken. Just add that to the list of why my apartment is a piece of crap right after the “new” four element Eatons oven with 1 inch of crap stuck to the inside and an army of cockroaches hiding in the bottom drawer to replace my 1960’s two element slanted one. Phungers.

I just absolutely love my apartment.

After eating my mature dinner of Campbells vegetable soup with a double shot of Wiser’s “de luxe” and diet Dr.Pepper combination I thought I would continue my evening as an adult by washing the dishes that may or may not have been building up for the past week.

The sink slowly fills up and I watch as the pretty bubbles turn into mountains covering all sight of the piping hot water underneath. I let some of the dishes soak, getting the caked on burnt shit off the bottom of the pots and then it is time to wash. Half way through my scrubbing I hear a peculiar popping sound. Instantly I look down to see the cupboard doors under the sink are blowing open on me spraying water all over the frigging place. HOT water that is. So I am phunging soaked and everything around me is soaked. I curse out loud hoping that the upstairs neighbours can hear me and will come running to save me. Pudding Face, my cat, stares at the water spraying and quickly also becomes wet.

I love my apartment.

I call my landlords to come fix the shitty plumbing and they said they will be right over. They abandon me and leave “Bia the plumber, and jill of all trades” to fix the situation.

5 Hours later it is still broken.

Just add that to the list of why my apartment is a piece of crap right after the “new” four element Eatons oven with 1 inch of crap stuck to the inside and an army of cockroaches hiding in the bottom drawer to replace my 1960’s two element slanted one.

Phungers.